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guys im doing sa to keep the voices quiet. help me.

He told me yesterday that i need to be kind to myself so i can be kinder to others This broke my heart coz he hurt me but i kept fighting for us and trying to deal with pain alone so i won't hurt him or let him suffer just the way I'm suffering but when he felt the pain he just left he didn't even try I felt so unworthy and i have no self respect This taught me a huge lesson in my life

I have nobody to talk to Nobody i can hug nobody i can tell I'm not okay The only one I had left me yesterday I feel like my life is falling apart school failure, break up , nobody to turn to I feel that i was never enough no matter how hard i try In the end I'll dust myself up and move on I'll be okay everything is going to be okay

I’m so tired. I used to be scared of death but now I’ll do anything to just be gone. If heaven and hell are real maybe I deserve being in hell anyways, I’m just so fucking worthless, ugly, dumb, and I cause so much stress and problems.

Слушая этот плейлист , меня уносит в прошлое где все были счастливы и здоровы. Но у меня такой период времени что по просту не хочу воспринимать это как реальность . Хочу что б меня забыли , что до этого сказанное мои слова , тем которым я сделала больно, простр забудьте...я больше не могу жить в прошлом, до сих пор больно отпускать прошлых людей

I hope so.

Me now 98.11% weed 1.99% Her

I've struggled with mental issues (not entirely sure what but I do plan on talking to a doctor) and my father has always dismissed or invalidated my feelings. It hurts being liked only when I can be laughed at and not during serious problems. There is more to it. I want to say to everyone out there that how you are feeling is real and its okay to not be good all the time. Please, listen to your hope ❤❤❤

и снова я глушу свое одиночество музыкой......

I don’t know who you are but I know I would’ve loved you. 🤍

I don't even truly know that who I was,and who I am rn

Nice

I pray that what ever you are going through will go away...may God be with you in every journey you to through in life. I hope he fills you with happiness, joy, peace and love. Life is not easy but i pray that you find your way through it. The lord says, "The pain you are feeling right now, cant compare to the joy that coming." I know that some of you dont get this a lot, but i love you❤ I pray that you will be okay😢

I quite rarely wipe the shelf in the closet. After wetting the cloth with water and placing a chair next to the closet, I climbed on it. After removing the old toys and puzzles, I found only one framed photo. A thin layer of dust has already covered the surface of not only the shelf itself, but also the things on it. Photography was no exception. After carefully wiping the surface of the entire photo, I began to study its contents. 2020, February, children's sanatorium. I'm 14 years old. There are familiar faces in the photo, I remember them all perfectly. And then my eyes fell on her. Literally my age, she's only a month older than me. It was the first time I became interested in a person and communicating with them. I'm not going to lie, I liked her. And so do I. It was nice to spend time with her. And even after the sanatorium, it was interesting for me to communicate with her. And it could go on like this for years. But at some point, everything changed. I began to miss her by my side. I knew we probably wouldn't meet again. After that thought, I started acting out dramas and just disappearing from communication. For months. I disappeared for a few months and didn't write to her, and then I showed up and pretended that everything was fine. She did not tolerate this attitude towards herself, she was tired of it. I'm still ashamed of my stupid behavior. I am angry and resentful of myself. I didn't think it would be so easy to lose you. I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Wait for a message from me. I know you're tired. I still remember you. Your eyes, voice, hair, jokes, kindness, caring. It was only after losing you that I realized my attachment. At that time, you became more than just an acquaintance for me. The cost of the mistake turned out to be too great, I was able to realize it only after 4 years. Thank you :) You are the best thing that happened to me in 2020. You're not online right now. Your last online status was in 2024, on January 27th. I hope you're okay.

I survived you will too, you are not alone because yourself is still there

Вчера умерла моя мама. Мне очень больно, очень холодно внутри. Сердце разрывается на части. Мне только 21, а я уже сирота...

Я поняла что не могу ничего о себе рассказать, моя личность это мозаика из многочисленных фрагментов, созданных мною для того чтобы своевременно удовлетворять интересы окружающих меня людей. Когда я переехала и осталась одна я обнаружила что меня нет, никогда не было. У меня нет четких целей и своих интересов. Я раньше всегда хотела быть чем-то большим чем человек, но это тоже было не моим желанием, это желание Девида Боуи. Сейчас я просто хочу стать собой. Я боюсь умереть никем

"What is the purpose of life? Why was I born? What happens after death? Will I stay somewhere forever, or will I comeback? (After death) If I reincarnate, will I go to the future or the past? Am I playing a game with multiple roles? What is the truth?" Matrix itself is a matrix

April 14 2024 You kissed my hand and told me you were determined to grow, heal and be the woman you always wanted to be. To love fully and freely, to be happy. You went back to a home that didn't care and support you the way you needed. You went back to that small dark room with all the things I gave you. A week later you would break my heart and hurt me. You would say you still wanted me in your life. But by the end of the month you cut me off, and took me out of that life. If I could reach out to the universe just for you to know I still love you, and all I ever wanted was you to be safe... I know you will never read this and this is just me shouting into the void but I love you Angelene.

🤍

I hate the fact that I have a conscience sometimes, wish I was a roach or an ant. Then death wouldn’t seem so miserable

July 24th 2022. My Biggest Regret.

Whoever you are, i hope u guys still wonder what the next stars looks like on us in the night sky. Let's see it tomorrow with me.

It’s a Saturday night, you are sitting alone in your room, suddenly you realized your loneliness. Instead of finding whatever thing to fulfill the void, you weirdly started to feel it, the aimlessness spread in the air, the subtle frustration came out of nowhere，and the relief that you know your heart is observing by yourself. You chose a gentle music from spotify, sounds started to echo in the space, then into your brain and brought your thoughts away. “what am i supposed to do? ” “who am I? ”, you started to ponder these questions that seems non-answerable, and finally you gave up and let them slide. After all these you laid on the bed, nothing in your mind just the music is playing . You can’t help but soliloquize, “What a wonderful night.”

You can do it!! :)

i want to live not just survive

Are you ok 💔

Found this at 4 59, wow. 😅...

I want to tell myself in the past about nostalgia

It just turned 5am for me and I was having panic attacks earlier. I haven't slept yet and tried to find music to help calm down to sleep. Thank you. And all of these wholesome comments make me want to cry in a good way this time.

Religion is made up. 💚💚💚

definitely hard escaping the idea that we're living in a nightmare, y'all..

definitely hard escaping the idea that we're living in a nightmare, y'all..

6/29/24 a friend switched schools this year. i have their contact information. however, with me not being able to start conversations, i fear our friendship will be forgotten. we talked a lot. they were one of the only friends who was actually interested in the same stuff i was. now, i have no one to relate to; almost no one to speak to, as they were one of two friends i talked to on a regular basis. i may still have a friend, but it won't be the same. i graduate high school in two years. i'm unprepared, mentally and physically. i'm barely surviving high school, but that's not what i'm most worried about. i'm more worried about losing touch with the one person i speak to. with how bad my communication skills are, i will most likely fall out with the last friend i speak to, which would leave me with no one to talk to. i can only hope it'll get better, otherwise i fear i may not make it out of college. anyways, i hope you are doing well. if we never meet again, i hope things go well for you in the future. ❤

'You sat on your chair, in your familiar classroom. You feel alone although you are surrunded by your ''familiar'' friends and classmates. Was it just a dream? No, it's really happening, it's reality. You looked around, but noone seemed to notice you. Strange. You finally found somone to talk to during lunch. He seem familiar enough to recognise he was your best friend. You sat with him, talking about how happy you are to be back. He just smiles and listen. You decided to focus on the classes. Everyone seems like they are staring at you. But when you look, nothing's there. You remember the place vividly. But you don't seem to belong here now. Leave?'' Yes | No Part 2!: You looked around the classroom. You decided to leave this place. You sneaked under your table and slowly crawled behind your classmates. You successfully made it to the back door without making a sound. You reached out your hand to the door handle, trying to open the door, but it just woulden't budge. The door was locked. Locked dead. Somone had known you would try to escape. Strange. Your only way out now is the window, but it is right beside your classmate. Any movements would be noticed. But you had to try. Either you try or die here. You decided to make a run for it. You stood up, took an empty chair and threw it at the window. It did not break. Weird. The sound attracted others attention. They all were staring at you. Their heads were tilted, in a weird way. They all were just smiling. You started to panic. You thought of kicking down the windows and running. Thats what you did. You kicked the windows hard. Finally, it budges and shards of glass fell. You jump out and started running. When you turned around, they were still staring at you. A voice whispered, ''You can't escape... Be one of *us*... You will forever be happy...'' You ignored the voice and ran out. The place seemed oddly familiar. It gave you a calm, soothing feeling. It felt like a fever dream. But you knew this was not where you belong. You continued running until you found a guy. A normal guy. Atleast you think he is normal. He seem to notice you and waved his hand at you. You ran towards him and noticed that he was indeed a normal person. Finally. ''Hey! Did you wake up here too?'' he asked. You nodded your head in response. He slowly explained to you that this place is like a endless loop, which you can never escape. He has tried to run, but he always would end up in the same place, the school. He decided to wait for anyone that was normal like him, to try to escape. ''Since we can't run off of this place, why don't we try running out of here?'' You asked. He looked confused, but decided to go with your plan. You made an idea, to try to find a way out in the place you started in, the school. The guy had another idea, which was to try finding other people. You both did not agree to each other. Do you go with the guy or search yourself? Go with him | Search yourself

Are you ok

Cada que me abraza y siento su calidez pegado a mi cuerpo, activa cada sensación al mío y esas conexiones de mi cerebro que manda reacciones al estómago haciendo el efecto de "mariposas" es tan lindo, o cada que lo beso y siento sus suaves labios que saben a fresa gracias al batido que habíamos tomado, besarlo y tener esa conexión entre los dos, es tan linda y especial. Amor perdón si no se besar, me encantaría seguirte el beso por horas pero el simple hecho de tenerte parado frente a mí mirándome de esa manera.. me haces temblar todo el cuerpo de forma inconciente, haces palpitar mi corazón de una forma hermosa, amo estar contigo, gracias. 💗

My best friend, my life partner, my companion, my love bug: I’m so sorry I couldn’t save our relationship. I wish I could go back and do things differently. We were both young, and didn’t realize the paths we were going down would lead to resentment and distance. Now it’s too late to save our relationship, you are gone forever, and I have to live with my part of the blame. I will always love you, I will always wish things could have been different. Thank you for the good and bad times, thank you for 8.5 amazing years by my side. Hard to imagine that I’ll never see you again, that I kissed you for the last time and didn’t know, held your hand, slept next you you, and woke up next to you for the last time. Now you are gone. Maybe we can be together again in another life. I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough to save us. Goodbye

Anny one so drain all they can do is exist and watch like 👀 and the emptyness is so hard tk deal with

anyone listen to ts in the gym?

I went to throw my self off a mountain side bluff the other night. It is a beautiful place where the sweetest ever to my soul and I used to make love and picnic. We have six kids between us. Like the Brady's ya dig.. still we used to make love and she was the only one I ever stared deep into and sang to as we made love. She melted every time. We no longer share this place to gether or each other. I didn't jump because I am a glutton for punishment. I love those babies. And maybe some day we will make sweet love again. Ode to Buttons bluff.. and my One true true.. thanks for listening

I can’t talk no more I’m not going anywhere at this point. Life and death are two different things and I want to live I’m not ready to die but I have to die sometime right? I’m not sure what to do with life sometimes I want to live it but sometimes I don’t. Every day I ask myself what are u doing but I say I’m being all alone like I am. 😔❤️‍🩹💔

i dont know why i'm writing this. closure, maybe? i just feel like everyday is an endless loop that never ends. i used to be very social and hangout with my friends everyday, but now i avoid even talking to them. i only hangout with my best friend sometimes, that's it. school is starting back up soon and i feel like i just cant do it. i was in a "talking stage" with a boy and it was going really well, but now things are going downhill. i've been clean from self harm for many months now but recently my mind has been wandering to that dark place in my mind. i feel like my life has no meaning anymore. i dont want to die, i just want this weight on my shoulders to go away. i can't even vent to people because i'm scared of judgement. currently 1:11 AM as I write this, trying to get my mind off of possibly harming myself. the one thing that just makes me every so slightly to kill myself is that the world will just move on. the world wont stop because of one person. people are going to move on and forget about me. but then i think about the pain it will cause other people. my mom, dad, sisters, all my family. and my best friend. i dont want to hurt them. im so confused with my emotions. im happy recently but i just cant seem to get this dark cloud of sadness away. i've been struggling with anxiety for i think maybe a little less than a year now, or maybe thats just when i started to notice it. i remember when i first started having panic/anxiety attacks and i would get so scared. i couldnt breathe and everything around my just became dizzy. it felt like the heaviest weight in the world was sitting on my chest. i havent talked to anybody about this but my one former friend. she related to me a lot with mental health issues and other things. but we got into a fight and we havent contacted each other ever since. i really pray she didnt kill herself because i was her rock and her emotional support system, her family was terrible and she didnt have many close friends. i have thought about contacting her many times but i remember the horrible things she said to me, and at the time it triggered a lot of my deepest insecurities. when i remember the good and fun times, the memory of her calling me a selfish slut and fat. my insecurities has done nothing but worsened over the years. i need makeup to feel pretty. the weight on the scale haunts me. i dint know why but visibly i am average weight, a little tall, for my age. but the weight on that scale just makes me want to start up my ED (eating disorder back again. i didnt have a serious one but i have always had serious body image issues and hated the way my body looked. my friends would reassure me that i looked great but what i saw in the mirror was different. for a period of time i started a really unhealthy diet, only eating small meals about twice a day. i lost about 15-20 pounds in less than a week and my stomach had a burning sensation of hunger all the time. and i finally caved in "just for one day" and i had a breakdown when i saw the numbers on the scale shoot back up. i want to be model pretty but i know i never will. i dont expect anyone to respond to this but i just need it off my chest.

37:30

Im alone... Im going to the college of my dreams in a month but havent really talk to anyone. its hard for me to talk I have SLD alot dosent make sense to me & ive never even been in a relationship, never had a BFF... eveyone i meet abandons me...I just want someone who can chat about life someone like me... but ive tried... failed... im so lonely...

Why should i continue...

Hit by a truck, lost my girlfriend, lost my job. All in the same week. I'll be alright I promise, It's just nice to be here sometimes instead.

She said, "Your stuck with me", Stuck for my body, Stuck to the attention. She said, "I promise", Her heart said nothing Her hands were ties with lies, Her lying face said, "I'll love you", Even when I'm old? Even if I'm down on the ground? "Even when your no longer around..", she said.

Bueno espero que todos los que estamos aquí nos vaya bien en la vida ❤

yo i might never meet you but i bet you are more beautiful and handsome than me. ignore what they say and listen what i say:)